Another week, another display of shear dominance. That’s 19-7-2 the last two weeks, which means if you’d bet $100 on each of my plays over that time, you’d be up $1110 and have just enough money to cover a night of dinner and beers at the TD Banknorth Garden. Anyway, onto the picks. I’d guarantee 10 wins, but don’t you just expect that by now?

(Note: I’m clearly screwed this week.)

(Note 2: As always, all picks are made against the spread.)

Houston at Minnesota (-4.5)

With a couple of his teammate caught up in the latest NFL steroids controversy, Bernard Berrian announced this week that twice in the past he’s phoned the NFL’s banned substance hotline, and never got a call back. That’s funny, because that’s the same response Sage Rosenfels gets when he calls his teammates to hang out on off days.

ROSENFELS: Hey Matt, you never called me back last night.

MATT SCHAUB: Oh yeah, sorry man. I hit the hay pretty early, didn’t see your call til this morning…

ROSENFELS: Funny, because as we speak I’m online looking at a picture of you partying from last night. 

SCHAUB: Oh, right. I know. I would’ve called but I left my phone at home.

ROSENFELS: It’s a picture of you talking on your phone…

SCHAUB: Yeeaaah, so listen, I gotta split. We’ll catch up later.

ROSENFELS: Promise?

Pick: Vikings

Jacksonville (-8) at Cincinnati

Speaking through a wired-shut jaw, Bengals rookie linebacker Keith Rivers said Wednesday that he has no problem with the Hines Ward-hit that ended his season, but that "what goes around comes around." When later asked how the injury has effected his diet, Rivers mumbled, "You know, it’s tough. I usually have a Boost for break and an Endure for dessert. Then somebody will order pancakes and I’ll just sip the sizzurp." Pick: Jaguars

Tampa Bay (-9) at Kansas City

BUCS LOCKER ROOM: PREGAME—SUNDAY

JON GRUDEN: OK, fellas. That’s the game plan. Any more questions?

JEFF GARCIA: Yeah, coach, did you hear tha… (interrupted)

GRUDEN: Yes, Jeff. For the last f**kin time, we heard that Mike Singletary pulled down his pants in the 49ers locker room last week, we know how "cool it would’ve been to be there" and no, I will not do the same!

Pick: Buccaneers

Baltimore at Cleveland (-1.5)

Romeo Crennel admitted that he’d consider using the gigantic Shawn Rogers as a fullback in goal line situations against Baltimore. He then stared off into the distance, sighed and whispered, "Just like we used to do with Seymour…" The press conference was cut short with Crennel sobbing uncontrollably. Pick: Browns

NY Jets at Buffalo (-5.5)

With the election right around the corner, politics are ablaze in the Bills locker room. In fact, here’s an excerpt from one of the heated debates.

TRENT EDWARDS: I say Obama!

JASON PETERS: Come on, it’s McCain all the way!

MARSHAWN LYNCH: Please, you guys, I’m writing in Nader.

EDWARDS: Dude, don’t you know that’s just a wasted voted!

LYNCH: Ahhh, Trent. My simple, simple friend. A vote for Nader is not a waste. In fact, each vote for the Green Party registers a protest and blow to the MAN and his two inferior parties. A vote for Nader is NOT a vote for the Republicans! It’s a vote for change. Ralph Nader is not a “spoiler” – it is the Republicans and Democrats who have already spoiled too many lives!

EDWARDS: …

PETERS: …

LYNCH: What happened? I blacked out.

Pick: Bills

Arizona (-3) at St. Louis

It’s always a big deal when Kurt Warner returns to St. Louis, and with the way the QB’s playing this year, Rams fans will certainly get their money’s worth. Well, except for that one guy who’s still under the impression he’ll be seeing Curt Warner. Yup, he’s got the Seahawks jersey and everything… True story. Pick: Rams

Detroit at Chicago (-13)

Nearly two months after announcing his retirement from the NFL (via e-mail), Daunte Culpepper spent this past week working out for the Lions in Detroit. After returning home, he fired off this message:

"After meeting with the organization, I think we might have a fit. I’ve always admired this city’s history, tradition and work ethic, and look forward to sex boating the crap out of Lake Michigan finally bringing the Lombardi Trophy to Detroit." 

Pick: Lions

Green Bay at Tennessee (-5.5)

Although it’s hardly very creative, Titans fans recently voted to nickname rookie running back Chris Johnson, "Flash." And with his nickname now firmly in place, Flash can now officially join teammate "Are You Gonna Finish Those Fries?" in the backfield. Pick: Titans

Miami at Denver (-3)

NFL sack leader Joey Porter announced this week that he has his sights set on eclipsing Michael Strahan’s record for sacks in a season. Strange, because Joey doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d be thinking (and speaking!) about individual accomplishments while playing on a 3-4 team. Pick: Broncos

Atlanta (-3) at Oakland

This week, Matt Ryan was named NFC Offensive Rookie of the Month for October by the NFL. In Oakland, Al Davis was named AFC Owner of the Month by the Al Davis Association. Davis also brought home trophies for "Coolest Guy" and "Best Smile" while Lane Kiffin was awarded "World’s Biggest Douche" and "Stupidest." Pick: Raiders

Dallas at NY Giants (-9)

Here’s a headline that was plastered all over ESPN.com on Thursday:

"Breaking News: Burress insists he’s not a distraction to Giants."

And sometimes a joke just writes itself. 

Pick: Cowboys

Philadelphia (-7) at Seattle 

The Eagles win a close one, and Philly fans celebrate by setting themselves on fire. The world is a better place. Pick: Seahawks

New England at Indianapolis (-5.5)

In a Wednesday interview, Bill Belichick said that the scouting report on the Colts is "as big as a phone book." He went on to add, "As is the phone book that’s stuck up Tony Dungy’s ass. Man, is that guy uptight… doesn’t even like Jovi." Pick: Colts

Pittsburgh at Washington (-1.5)

Last week, the Steelers stopped the Giants on a huge goal line stand, after DE Brett Keisel overheard Eli Manning calling out the play. It was the NFL’s biggest accidental tip since Chris Cooley’s blog. Pick: Redskins 

RECORD 

Last Week: 8-4-2
Season: 52-44-4 

*I nabbed most of that Nader stuff from some Socialist website. Didn’t want to try and pass it off as all my own words.