You may not know it, but that Celtics jersey you wore to the game last night, or that you’ll wear to the bar tomorrow night says a lot about who you are. It says a lot about your lifestyle. A lot about what makes you tick.

What follows is a breakdown of Celtics fans by their jersey of choice. It’s important to note that not every fan has every characteristic. It’s just that if you own said jersey, there’s a good chance you fall into one of the categories below it.

As always, players are listed alphabetical by first name:

Brian Scalabrine
*You’re white
*You played JV basketball your junior year of high school
*You miss important plays because you are turned around yelling at the people behind you to up stand and clap.
*You lose your voice on weekends
*You wouldn’t be caught dead with a mixed drink

Eddie House
*You’re under 6-feet-tall
*When you’re playing pick up games you never set foot inside the three-point circle unless you’ve been cherry picking and get an uncontested fast break lay up.
*The Entourage character you best relate to is Turtle
*You have at least one older brother
*At some point in your life, you’ve been prescribed ritalin

Glen “Big Baby” Davis
*You weigh more than 220 pounds are fewer than 150.
*If all your friends voted, you’d win the superlative for “Guy Most Likely to Take His Shirt Off When He’s Drunk”
*You’ve been booed off of a karaoke stage
*You drink a lot of Diet Coke
*You tailgate for every Patriots game, regardless of whether you’re going.

James Posey
*Your favorite Red Sox player is Mike Lowell
*You either coach a basketball team or have played on a relatively high level
*You can open a beer bottle with a lighter
*You’re favorite South Park character is Randy Marsh and your favorite Simpsons character is Milhouse

Kendrick Perkins
*You’re taller than 6-foot-3
*You have Bruce Springstein’s Greatest Hits on your iPod
*You still watch the WWE
*You own more than one pair of construction boots
*You’re the pitcher on your softball team

Kevin Garnett
*You’re younger than 16
*You own a David Ortiz or Randy Moss jersey
*July 31, 2007 is the second greatest day of your life—right after the birth of your first child and right before your wedding day,
*You work out (with weights, not on the elliptical) at least four times a week.
*You’ve been told to “chill out” on multiple occasions

Paul Pierce
*You own a Troy Brown jersey
*Dr. Dre is one of your three favorite rappers
*You own or have own a car with more than 150,000 miles on it
*You had season tickets last year
*You know exactly where you were when the Celtics came back from 21-points in the fourth quarter against the Nets in 2002.

Rajon Rondo
*You don’t think Kenny Anderson got enough credit for the Celtics run in 2002.
*You think Bob Cousy is an overly critical announcer.
*In your prime, you could run a mile in under six minutes.
*You’re a big Paul Rudd fan
*You’re a rollerskating enthusiast

Ray Allen
*You own multiple sweater vests
*You own at least one two John Legend Cds
*You went to UConn or grew up in Connecticut
*You are a Female
*You were too cheap to buy a new shirt and instead brought your Sherman Douglas jersey to the tailor to get re-embroidered.

EXTRAS:

Gabe Pruitt
*You are a member of Gabe Pruitt’s immediate family

Garnett Minnesota Timberwolves Jersey
*You’ve recently been laid off

A throwback Pierce, Garnett or anyone high school jersey
*Your ringtone is Make It Rain by Fat Joe
*You could definitely kick my ass
*You have a vine armband tattoo

A Celtics Jersey With Your Own Name On The Back
*You’re not my friend
*You need to be slapped
*You are wearing it ironically, which is kind of funny, but still not really
*You look at the program and say things like, “Hey! When did the C’s trade Walter McCarty?”