1. Ubuntu

Rasheed’s one losing streak away from bringing down the Pistons, Dwight Howard’s not quite ready to lead in Orlando, the rest of the Cavs are still too afraid of LeBron, the Sixers need a couple months before they can groove with Elton Brand and there’s not a Rosetta Stone library in the world that can get the Raptors all on the same page. And then there’s the majestic land of Ubuntu. We still don’t have a consensus on the word’s actual meaning—although I believe in German it means "A Whale’s Vagina"—but it makes magic happen. Ubuntu!

2. Gabe Pruitt

It only took one story to sell me on Gabe Pruitt:

It’s Training Camp ‘07, and the Celtics are in Rome, riding to practice on the team bus. The day before, the second unit had beaten the starters at the end of practice, and as you can imagine, the Big 3 were slightly offended. Back on the bus, a friend of mine who works for the organization was walking to his seat when he passes the Big 3—huddled in a corner and deep in discussion. What were they talking about?

Gabe Pruitt, and how they can stop him.

It doesn’t matter if this was one scrimmage at the end of Pruitt’s first NBA practice. If three future Hall of Famers are game planning against you, you can play. That’s a fact.  

After a generally invisible rookie year, Pruitt showed this preseason that now that there are more minutes to go around, he’s ready to grab a spot in the rotation. I’m not saying that we should expect too much, but I think there’s enough to get excited about.

3. Rock Steady and Bebop

Or as they’re otherwise known, Leon Powe and Big Baby.

When Powe and Baby are on the floor, they give new meaning to organized chaos. They are two crazed henchmen, diving and scrapping and doing whatever it takes to get the job done for their most-terrifying leader—Kevin "Shredder" Garnett. Leon might be a little more productive this year, but they both serve similar roles: box out, take charges and own every lose balls. I could see them transforming into a very poor man’s John Salley/Rick Mahorn combo (minus some nastiness), but for now Bebop and Rock Steady will have to do.

Note: For comedic purposes only, coach/player Sam Cassell plays the role of Krang in this analogy. (For the record, I’m only referring to Sam as coach/player because player/coach implies that he’s a player first, and I’m not ready to handle that.)

Note 2: Big Baby is Bebop and Powe is Rock Steady. That’s set in stone.

4. Home Improvement

Philly got Elton Brand, Toronto got Jermaine O’Neal, Cleveland got Mo Williams and, on paper, all the Celtics did was lose James Posey. But still, isn’t there something to be said for a team improving by simply keeping everyone together for another year?  While other teams learn to mesh with their new acquisitions, the Celtics are merely picking up where they left off—and that was a pretty decent place.

And even though they didn’t add anyone to the roster, they’re already far stronger at point guard and center than they were a season ago. Rondo and Perk are all but seasoned pros at this point—and they’re only getting better.   

5. Paul Pierce’s Waist Line

Paul Pierce showed up at camp 10 pounds lighter than he was last season. This news caught me completely off guard.

I’m not saying I question his work ethic, but honestly, who loses 10 pounds over the course of two straight months of partying? I didn’t even spend half the time that he did messing around this summer, and I gained five—although maybe Cristal has fewer calories than Bud heavy.

Was it the trophy? Does your body burn calories faster when you’re holding a five pound piece of metal for 18 hours at a time? Whatever the reason—OK, I’m sure he really worked his ass off—I’m putting Pierce at No. 2 on my list of Most Unexplainable NBA Off-Season Weight Fluctuations. (First place will always belong to Shawn Kemp who showed up 30 pounds overweight after the lockout in 1999, despite having developed a vicious coke habit.)

But back to the Truth, a slimmer captain is just another sign of how much he’s matured, how dedicated he is to his legacy and how much he belongs in any conversation about the Top 10 players in the league.

The effect of his weight loss might not show itself in his numbers, but 10 pounds is 10 pounds. At his age, every ounce counts, and will just help him stay fresher into May and June.

(Random Pierce Thought: In ESPN’s the Magazine’s NBA Preview they surveyed a bunch of players, coaches and GMs on a series of questions—one of them being "Who’s the most clutch player in the league?"

Paul Pierce was No. 2 across the board, behind Kobe Bryant.

Count this as Reason No. 356 Why I Love Banner 17. We’ve always known how clutch Pierce was, but before last year he was dangerously close to finishing his career without having the chance to showcase that "clutch" to the world. But after last season, he’ll always be synonymous with the word—a label he’s always deserved.) 

6. Tony Allen

We were all impressed by how quickly Tony Allen recovered from his embarrassing ACL injury, but at the same time, I’m not sure we ever realized how much it was holding him back last season. Now that Allen’s lost his bionic knee brace—which i think weighed more than Pierce’s trophy—he’s shown an explosiveness that we haven’t seen since the moments before he got Sprited against the Pacers. Now if Ed Lacerte can just make sure his head’s screwed on tight before he takes the court every night, he can play a big role. James Posey’s minutes are Allen’s to lose. 

7. Clifford Ray and Patrick O’Bryant

Clifford Ray puts on his gigantic pants just like the rest of us. Except, after they’re on he makes NBA centers. He’s the Dr. James Andrew of unpolished, young big men and this year’s case is Patrick O’Bryant—the former No. 8 overall pick who was buried on the Warriors bench for the last two seasons. Nellie Ball was probably the worst possible offense for a player like Patty O to flourish in—especially when, as O’Bryant told me during this offseason, "Our offense was just to give the ball to Baron and let him do what he wanted."

But Boston’s a much better fit, especially with Dr. Clifford making house calls: "He knows what we need to do, and he lets you know about it," O’Bryant said about Ray. "He’s just so persistent with everything he teaches us. It’s a huge help. It gets you prepared."  

Little Known Clifford Ray fact: He has the meanest triple threat position in 17 states.

8. The Scal Factor

Brian Scalabrine is the anti-Ricky Davis. He was built to play on good teams. Right, I know. He might not be really "playing" as much as he used, but I’d be very surprised if he doesn’t make some sort of contribution before we’re done here.

When KG went down with a strained oblique last season, Scal started all nine games—during which thee Celtics went 7-2. Why did he get the nod over some of the other candidates? Because although he doesn’t necessarily have All-Star skills, he’s got a superstar basketball mind. He understands how great players think, and he knows how to make them better.

On a bad team, Scal isn’t going to do much for you, but on a championship caliber team, he’ll always find a way to bring something to the table. It’s not a coincidence that he’s been on three Eastern Conference champions in his career.

9. Gino

Last year’s championship was dedicated to the memory of Red. This one’s for Gino.  

While I don’t think any of us were shocked last summer when the Wall Street Journal revealed that Gino had long since passed away—men of his greatness are very rarely with us for long—but the timing of the announcement (sometime during the Finals) didn’t allow us to properly mourn our fallen hero. No. 18 is Gino’s—Goodnight, sweet prince.

Note: How about if the Celtics Dancers change into all black outfits during Gino Time this year? A subtle, yet sexy tribute to the Man. That’s exactly how he would’ve wanted it.

10. The Rookies—Bill "YouTube" Walker and JR "Who Shot Ya" Giddens

As far as I’m concerned, the preseason couldn’t have played out better for the two Celtics rookies.

On one hand, you got YouTube Walker, a guy who’s battled knee injuries all last year, and almost ended up signing overseas this summer. You’ve got to wonder how confident Walker was heading into the year: Did he have enough confidence in that knee? Had all the surgeries stolen some of his explosiveness?

One pre-season game and two dunks later, and all those questions were answered. It was clear that Bill Walker had a place in this league, and more specifically, on this team. With that out of the way, all he’s had to worry about is getting better. Not staying in the league, not getting noticed, but just getting better. 

Then there’s Giddens, who struggled at camp and seemed overwhelmed for most of the pre-season. Again, I think this was OK. When I spoke to him on Media Day, JR had a very "happy to be here" air about him. He made a few references to being such a big fan of the game, and how playing on the same court as the Big 3 was so much different than watching them on TV. 

J.R. needed a little something to let him know that, yeah, you know what? This isn’t TV anymore. This is a job, and if you want to keep it you’re going to have to fight. I think Giddens has that fight in him. And in the long run, the rocky start will pay dividends.

Note: What if the Celtics had assigned Walker No. 8? How would you have felt about that? It might have been cool to see the influx of Employee NO. 8 jerseys in the Garden, but then again, you probably want to keep this kid as far away from Antoine as is humanly possible. 

11. When you only win one title, people can still look back and maybe say that it was only a fluke. That’s why we’ve got to win two or three. —Kevin Garnett*

You knew that the Big 3 needed to find a rallying cry to keep them hungry for Banner 18, and it looks like this is it. Can’t you KG imagine staring at himself in the locker room mirror before Opening Night and whispering things like, "They sayin it was a fluke, Kevin! Duncan’s got four, you little bitch… you think you as good as Duncan? Nah, you ain’t sh*t! You got one damn ring… You ain’t nuthin!"

I can.  

*That KG quote is paraphrased. I heard Mike Gorman mention it during the pre-season and I didn’t get the exact wording. Forgive me.

12. The Garden 

That "Hey! Hey! Hey! Goood byyyyyye!" chant at the end of Game 6 against the Lakers is one of the coolest things I’ve been a part of as a Boston sports fan.  It’s the loudest I’ve ever heard the Garden. Every one was perfectly in sync. It was the defining moment—for the fans at least—of an NBA Playoffs that we absolutely owned. And with the Sox done and the Patriots back on Earth, Boston will be ready to unleash the fury in the Garden. Put the C’s down for (at least) 30 wins at home this year. Guaranteed.

13. Defense

You know that feeling you get when you’re trying to open one of those ridiculous hard plastic electronics packages? First, you try to pull it apart until your fingers start to hurt. Then you get a pair of scissors, cut away some patches and try to rip the thing in half until, once again, your fingers hurt. Finally, you get so frustrated that you grab a knife from the kitchen and O.J. the package to smithereens—with no regard for the appliance and/or your hand.

That’s what it feels like to take on a Tom Thibodeau defense. It must drive guys crazy. And now, with a full year of Thibodeau’s tutelage under their belts, the Celtics are ready to apply the sleeper hold on offenses league-wide.  

Hey, maybe it’s not the most exciting brand of basketball, but it beats the alternative…

14. Eddie House

The Celtics will miss James Posey’s range and defense, but—hopefully—thanks to Eddie House, they won’t miss his man hugs. Eddie was Posey’s understudy last year, a Man Hug Fluffer if you will. Before each game, he’d give each guy a little warm up pep talk and then passed them on to Posey. But he wouldn’t just walk away. He studied the hugs. He examined their intricacies. Now he’s ready to carry the torch.

I’m not sure if the Man Hugs, specifically, will be back this season, but either way, House’s personality on the court and behind the season should keep every one relaxed and on their toes.

15. The GMs!

So the NBA GMs picked the Lakers to win it all…  and this is supposed to be a bad thing? That just means that the Lakers won’t win the title.

16. The Olympics

LeBron could probably go without an off-season and maintain the same energy and dominance. Same goes for Dwight Howard, Chris Paul and a few other guys who spent the summer busting their asses in Beijing. But older players like Kobe, Dirk, Kidd, Gasol, Manu and possibly even Wade? They’re going to feel it. 

So while I loved every second of the Dream Team this summer, and have unconditional respect and admiration for what they accomplished, I’m pretty cool with the fact that the Big 3 didn’t make the trip. And some time around late April, they probably will too.

Note: I also love that when you google "Kobe Bryant Olympics" the first hit is this amazing story the Onion did a couple years ago.

17. Everyone Gets Rondo’d

There are obviously many things that Rajon Rondo still needs to work on if he’s going to reach his full potential. There’s the shooting, there’s the strength, there’s the stubbornness, there’s the roller skates—I hate those roller skates!!—but that doesn’t change the fact that  by this time next year, Rondo will be a certified NBA star.

I’m almost ready to say he makes the All-Star team this year—although that’s partly do to the fact that eight of the league’s best 10 point guards are in the West.

18. Sweet, Sweet Ray

Through everything you’ve just read (ok, skimmed… all right, who am I kidding, there’s no one left at this point…), I didn’t mention Ray Allen by name once. But you know what? That’s how Ray rolls. He’s a relatively quiet, definitely unimposing and always calming presence on this team. He might not have the legs to do it every night, but he picks his spots as well as just about anyone in basketball. He could be 0-11 on the night, and I’ll still give him the last shot.

There’s no doubt in my mind that when Ray Allen plays pool it never takes him more than two tries to sink the last eight ball. If the guy has a chance to rip your heart out, it won’t be long until you’re lying dead on the ground. 

That’s all for today. Check in tomorrow for Part 2