Thoughts from a week that taught us not to never, ever mess with Coco Crisp…

The "Almost Most Heartbreaking Moment of the Year" Moment of the Week: Down goes the Truth

Towards the end of the pre-game intros last night, just before they called Paul Pierce’s name, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness for the Truth. In the five quick seconds that he was standing at the base of the awkwardly placed, massive golden trophy, I thought about all that he had been through in Boston: how he’d been so close to being traded 10 different times; how he was so close to being stabbed to death in 2000; how even though he didn’t know it, he’d been a pretty huge part of my life for the last 10 years.

Anyway, at that very moment, Paul looked, prouder, happier and more satisfied than I’d ever seen him, and I imagined all that must have been going through his own head, as he prepared to take the floor in the NBA Finals after 10 years relative ups and bottomless downs..

An hour later, and I watched as Pierce was carried into the lockerroom with the a look on his face that you’d expect from a guy who’d just had his leg bitten off by a shark.

I wasn’t even assuming the worse anymore. I’d already convinced myself that he was done for the season. It was a fact.

Thoughts on a week that brought us within one win of the promise land…

Look-A-Like of the Week: It feels very strange to do a look-a-like bit with Sam Cassell and have the other subject be a human, but the resemblance between Sammy and Russell Simmons (at least in these two photos) is pretty uncanny. Good for Sam. I think he needs this. In fact, if I were Cassell I’d start carrying around this picture of Simmons in my wallet. So next time someone tries to call him ugly, he can just whip it out (the picture… I’m talking about the PICTURE!) and be like, “Oh, so I guess that means you think RUSSELL SIMMONS is ugly too!”

That’ll show them.

Note: I saw Sam Cassell out at a bar after Game 5, and I have to admit: I was amazed at how normal he looked. He appears kind of trollish running around in a basketball uniform with a bunch of 6-9 dudes, but when he’s in public, and in human clothes, he’s a pretty big guy, and most of his typically grotesque features aren’t as pronounced.

Winner of the Week: Kendrick Perkins

Thoughts while waiting for Rodney Stuckey to miss a jump shot…

Accident Waiting To Happen of the Week: Eddie House’s son.

We talked about this a little bit on this week’s podcast, but has anyone seen Eddie House’s son on the sidelines during the last couple Celtics’ home games? The kid is all over the place! He slaps all the starters five during the pre-game introductions, he’s up jumping around with Tony Allen on the bench after a big dunk, hell, he’s basically in the huddle during time outs. I love that the kid is getting to enjoy that kind of access to the team and bond a little with his Dad, but the whole scene is bad news for at least two reasons:

1. There’s no way Eddie can completely concentrate on the game when his son is bouncing around—like Mike Myers in the old SNL skit where he’s tethered to the jungle gym—the entire time. Now its one thing if this were the Atlanta series and Eddie never saw the floor, but now that he’s our back up point guard, a guy who’s going to be relied on to deliver 10-12 solid minutes every game, I don’t want his kid on the bench. He can pretend it doesn’t take away from his focus but that’s impossible. If I were an NBA player, I’d be distracted by any little kid playing around by the bench; if it was my son, I’d instinctively have an eye on him all game. How do you just shut that off?

Thoughts while wondering how many hours a day Sam Cassell has his back wrapped in an ace bandage…

Random List of the Week

NBA players who’ve impressed me (on different levels) during the playoffs:

PG: Chris Paul, New Orleans - The superstar who’s entered completely unchartered territory in terms of potential. If someone told me today that Paul will retire with five championship rings, I couldn’t argue.

SG: Rodney Stuckey - The unpolished rookie who’s coming into his own in just enough time to be ready to potentially torture the Celtics in the conference finals. I hate that I’m automatically going to have to hate him because he’s on the Pistons. Seems like a dude I’d enjoy rooting for. Pretty much the same way I feel about Al Horford in this Hawks series.

SF: Devin Brown, Cleveland - The random role player who’s I’ve inexplicably liked all year. Not sure what it is about Brown but I’ve always enjoyed his game. Although part of it might be because half the time he’s on the court I mistake him for Lebron.

PF: Luis Scola - The foreign-born player who I enjoy watching which says a lot because I’ve grown to dislike watching many foreign born players. The Spurs gave Scola away because he didn’t fit in with their philosophy, and thought little enough of him to have no problem dealing him within the conference.

Thoughts while waiting for Doc to take out the starters at the end of Game 2 (so yeah, I was thinking for a while):

Potenital Lawsuit of the Week:
So either Time Magazine or the NBA needs to sue somebody. For Time’s sake, I hope it was their idea first. You don’t want any piece of David Stern in the court room. He’d own 51% of the magazine after seven minutes in court.

I feel like I’m supposed to really like those half-face NBA Playoff commercials, but I never really did and they got old pretty quickly. But just for fun, here would have been my ideal (from a purely comedy stand point) half-face match-ups for each series-please consider both looks and voices.

Lakers/Nuggets: Ronny Turiaf and Eduardo Najera
Hornets/Mavericks: Peja Stojakovic and Erick Dampier
Spurs/Suns: Manu Ginobli and Boris Diaw
Jazz/Rockets: Kyle Korver and Dikembe Mutombo
Celtics/Hawks: Glen Davis and Josh Childress
Pistons/Sixers: Tayshaun Prince and Samuel Dalembert
Magic/Raptors; Adonal Foyle and Jose Calderon
Cav/Wizards: Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Darius Songalia

Loser of the Week: Mike Bibby

Here’s what bothered me most about Bibby’s statements after Game 1. It’s not so much what he said, but that he made such a weak attempt to motivate his team.

Thoughts while hoping someone would take Wednesday night’s Red Sox/Yankees game out behind the shed.

Announcement of the Week: NFL Schedule

Here are three quick thoughts on the Pats 2008 campaign.

• There are essentially two pre-seasons this year with the Pats kicking off the regular season with games against Kansas City, NYJ and Miami, a bye week and then a game at San Francisco. Let’s start getting mentally prepared now and promise not to make too big a deal if the Pats start 4-0 again with an average win margin of 30 points.

• The Pats follow up their Week 5 match-up at the Niners with a Week 6 contest at San Diego. Not only will this be the first overhyped, overanalyzed, storylines-beaten-like-a-dead-horse-game of the season but also brings up the biggest problem I have with this year’s calendar. Twice this season, the team plays back-to-back games on the west coast (these two weeks, and Weeks 14 and 15 when they play at Oakland and Seattle). How rare is something like this in the NFL? It’s been 25 years since the Pats and played even ONE back-to-back on the west coast! (They finished 1983 with games at LA and Seattle.) That doesn’t seem fair. Maybe Bridget Moynahan paid off the NFL to make it so Tom Brady would have to spend more time with his kid.

Thoughts from the week when we learned that a five minute standing ovation can apparently erase 21 years of shame and embarrassment.

Strangest Threesome of the Week: David McCarty, Curtis Leskanic and Brian Daubach.

Honestly, what the hell was that all about? You’re celebrating Boston as the city of champions. You have a collection of ex-Bruins led by Bobby Orr, a group of Celtics led by Bill Russell and John Havlicek, and a group of Patriots led by Tedy Bruschi. And then, representing the 2004 Red Sox - the team whose title probably meant more to Boston than all the other combined - and you trot out Curtis Leskanic, David McCarty and Brian Daubach.

I’m guessing they didn’t make these arrangements anytime around April Fool’s Day, because if I’m Leskanic there is no way I’m buying this phone call:

"Curtis, baby. It’s the Red Sox. So listen, Opening Day, we’re having this big get together. We’ve got conformations from Bill Russell, John Havlicek, Danny Ainge, Bobby Orr and Tedy Bruschi, and, OK, we know this is a stretch, but we were kind of hoping you’d come represent the 2004 Red Sox. It only feels right. And if it sweetens the pot at all, you won’t be alone. We’re in negotiations right now to have David McCarty and Brian Daubach on board as well."

Things I’ve learned this week

There are nice things about having the Internet on your cell phone

There are also about 10 things that bother me about this commercial. For one, the dude clearly hits the letter H instead of a B at the beginning of basketball. Also, the bet in question is the equivalent of the guy in Seinfeld betting Elaine that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars. Anyone in a position to place a wager on this topic knows that Kareem is the all-time leading scorer, or at the very least would remember that it was him the first time someone brought his name up as a possible answer. I’m embarrassed to admit how much longer I could write about this ad. I just don’t like it, which is weird because I feel like I’m the target audience. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I don’t have an iPhone.

That’s my Kenyatta, always peein’ on people

I need to scratch those plans to dress up as a squirrel on Opening Day at Fenway

Michael Jackson’s not going to buy that property in Arkansas after all

The Shaquille O’Neal "Wait, You Know It Isn’t 1999, Right?" Award of the Week: Pedro Martinez

I understand how Pedro going on the DL is newsworthy, but I didn’t realize we still lived in a world where Pedro pulling his hamstring required its own box on ESPNews, prominent position on espn.com and lead story on Baseball Tonight.

A Few things I Learned This Week

It’s annoying and elitist to refer to a player as an “All-America.” And yes, Jim Nantz, I’m talking to you. “Ahhh, Tyler Hansbrough, the Tarheel All-America… It’s been a tough first half thus far for the junior All America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America.” Just say All-American, professor. No one’s impressed by you.

When people talk about Dwight Howard as the eventual greatest big man of the next 15 years, they need to start including Amare Stoudemire in the discussion.

Sam Cassell’s career stats are significantly more impressive than Doc Rivers’. I always assumed they’re numbers were a lot more even, although Doc does have a distinct advantage in the Daisy Duke column.

It is impossible to get that excited about the NFL Draft when there’s a 90% chance your team is trading its first pick. (Add an extra degree of difficulty if it’s been two months since the Super Bowl and the mere thought of your team still give you heart palpations.)

Everyone talks about how thin and inexperienced the Yankees starting rotation is, but until Dice-K starts showing a little life (more on that below), the Red Sox staff isn’t much better

Denny Crum’s toupee is the Mona Lisa of hairpieces. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76-nP2HFmyg[/youtube]

Question of the Week

Here’s what I was asking Monday night during the Celtics/Sixers game: Who’d you rather have playing center for the Celtics right now: Kendrick Perkins or Samuel Dalembert?

A few things I learned this week:

• Dale Arnold should stick to hockey.

• Bobby Knight should stick to coaching.

• Dennis and Callahan should stick to holding out of their contract.

• Curt Schilling REALLY liked Doug Mirabelli

• Despite all the fan fare, it’s either the Lakers or Spurs coming out of the West.

• I don’t want to draw the 76ers in the first round of the NBA Playoffs.

• I should stop using words like "I" and "we" in reference to the Celtics. The only way “I’d” ever draw the 76ers in the first round would be if the organization made the ill-fated decision to scrap the annual team photo in lieu of a Rich Levine original. (Note: If I were commissioned to draw the 76ers team photo, I would 100% add one of those rainbow beanies with the pinwheel on top of Shavlik Randolph’s head. When it comes to art you just have to go with your instincts.)

Random Thought of the Week: How strange is it that Dick Vitale’s never called a Final Four game?

The man is essentially the face (or at least the bald head and mouth) of college basketball, yet he’s never sat on the sport’s greatest stage. It’s like if Marv Albert never called an NBA Finals, or John Madden never called a Super Bowl. You know it kills Dicky V. not to be there, in fact, I’m almost ready to guarantee that at the end of every season he brings home a copy of the National Championship game and records himself doing the color commentary over Billy Packer’s voice. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he also demands that his wife sit and do the play-by-play as Mike Patrick.